Never Attempt to Steal Air rockets
by Miss Meryl
Summary: Edina is upset about her boyfriend going to Mars, so she and Patsy decide to surprise him by meeting him on the rocket!


**I do not own, I just had a random idea one day and decided to send it in. it is not supposed to make total sense but, hey!**

**Amy**

Edina was sitting on the couch, howling into an empty wine glass.

"Really, Mum," Saffy scorned, "you're being pathetic."

"He's going to _Mars_!" Edina wailed, "Give me sympathy Sweetie!" She yelled again.

"How about I give you tonsillitis?" Saffy said, "Honestly, he'll be able to hear you screeching; even Mars isn't far away enough to escape you."

"Eddy!" Cried a familiar voice. "Darling, I came as soon as I heard!"

"Oh, God, can we send her to Mars?" Saffy muttered as Patsy rushed down the stairs, (which was not very fast as she was wearing two foot-high platform shoes) she had obviously had more work done and her lips resembled helium-filled balloons.

Patsy grabbed a glass and four bottles of wine, threw herself onto the couch (Saffy moving hurriedly out of the way) and poured them both a drink.

"He was so wonderful!" Eddy cried hysterically, "I thought his long-sightedness was cute! He never even complained when I wore a g-string that one time!"

"He must've been far more long-sighted than he made out," Saffy remarked, "maybe even blind. He would've been after that sight anyway."

"Don't ridicule Momma, Sweetie, I only wore one once," Eddy sniffed,

"Why? Did it sink into the primeval ooze around it? Sucked down into the deepest circle of hell?"

"Where's he going again?" Patsy said, lighting a cigarette.

"M-Mars!"

"Mars?" Bubbles said from the doorway, "Where's tha' then?"

"S-space!" Edina blubbered.

"Where about is that? America?" Patsy asked.

"Space," Saffy said, "The empty nothingness, you should be familiar with it, it fills enough of your head. Isn't your home planet somewhere up there? _'Pat-sy phone home!'_ You should hitchhike on a rocket and fly away home."

"That's it!" Patsy exclaimed, unsettling her glass of wine, "your deranged daughter actually made sense!"

"You only just figured you were an alien?" Saffy said incredulously, "From Planet Plastic, where whales are given mass slaughters to fill up your lips, and excess cellulite runs free."

"We'll go with him!" Patsy cried, "We'll take his plane, you said it leaves this afternoon! We'll go with him to Houston and surprise him on the rocket!"

Edina jumped to her feet, "fabulous Dah-ling!"

"You can't go on a rocket!" cried Saffy, "you're not used to the force! The velocity alone will- "

"Come on pats!" Eddy shouted, already tripping up the stairs, "his plane leaves in three hours, we have customs!"

"Bring me some Mars Ba's!" Cried Bubbles.

Patsy hastily seized all the alcohol she could carry and followed Edina out of the house.

xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx

"You have his card details?" Patsy asked.

"Course I do," Eddy replied, giving the smiling woman at 'Departures' his digits. "He won't mind anyway, he'll be happy I've come to see him."

They whizzed though to customs, having no bags.

"You realize Madam," said the security man, "that I cannot allow you to take all this alcohol onto the plane?"

"What!" Patsy cried, looking aghast, "you're insane! I'll die without it!"

The security officer gripped a communicator, his thumb slowly reaching the button. Eddy noticed and thought fast, "it's true officer, she has acute claustrophobia, this alcohol calms her down."

"There is Champaign on the plane," said the security guard, but his hand dropped slowly.

"Oh, but this helps remind her of home," Eddy insisted.

The guard (a good natured guy who did like the odd drink now and then), glanced around quickly, "I'm going to let you go, okay? But I anyone else catches you, I have never seen you before."

xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx

Patsy whipped out a cigarette and began to chew the end.

Eddy spied Mike, "Pats! There he is!"

"Don't let him see you Darling," Patsy hissed, grabbing Edina's arm.

Eddy sat back grudgingly, staring at Mike the whole time, and then their flight was called.

**Well, first chapter completed! I'm only going to do a few chapters as the show is quite short anyway.**

**I realize that these things could never actually happen, but it's fan_fiction _right?**

Amelia Johnsonn

XXX


End file.
